Thursday, February 08, 2007

The Stealth Cuddler

For the past few nights, Ms. Sofie has come into my bedroom in the wee hours of the morning and, carrying her blankie (now named Yang Yang for reasons I cannot even begin to figure out), and her pillow, and snuggling into the other side of my bed next to me.

I think, with the friends visiting and doing much of the going to bed routine with her, she is missing her mommy time. I have been going in her room just after the book reading and teeth brushing are all done and doing our nightly "routine" which consists of turning off the lights, then we sprinkle "dreaming dust" in each other's eyes and then we sing a song I made up about having "beautiful, colorful dreams". It is very sweet and then I rub her tummy until I hear the snoring.

Even on the nights when I would rather just stay in my bed, I do this because I know that this is a very important part of our bonding, our closeness. And that is also why, although my darling daughter squirms and kicks all night long in my bed, I really don't want to be too harsh and toss her back to her room. She seems to really need the body contact now, another way of extending the love, then connection, the bond that we have.

She is trying to be a good cooperator, but she is also being a very bossy girl. Laurie has called her on it and I hope Alan will as well, when he visits next week. My daughter is rather strong willed (really? how surprising!!!) and can be a bit of a badass in demanding her own way. I have no idea where she gets that from. You know, children are born with their temperaments. Or so they say.

The truth is, I need the closeness to her as well, and sometimes I just reach out in the middle of the night to stroke her little head, or simply listen to her breathing (or snoring). I love her more than I ever thought I was capable of loving anyone and I need all the connections and cuddling I can get, too.

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