Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired

On the day I wrote the last post, I was truly beginning to feel a bit better from this lingering upper respiratory illness and in general. Then, the next day (which happened to be my birthday), I woke up and felt sick all over again. I really struggled all morning with trying to stop coughing but was singularly unsuccessful. Finally I called my doctor for a killer prescription cough medicine, since the Costco faux Robitussin wasn't cutting it.

I ended up having to go in again. Not that I don't like them, but it was my birthday, I was crabby and tired (from coughing, mostly) and hadn't been able to eat a thing all day. I realized in that visit that I was just over it. Over being sick, over having to visit doctors nearly weekly, just over it.

And I have hardly even thought about the cancer at all, being as I have had all these other distractions.

I got the cough stuff, with a kick ass narcotic in it (take only 1 tsp every 12 hours!). And antibiotics just in case it was bacterial.

The day itself was lovely, with all sorts of things arriving (thanks CJ and Lori for the Edible Fruit arrangement, delicious!) and to the "extended Girl Posse" (Brenda, Pam, Lisa, Eileen, Pat, Alan ahd Kerry E.) for arranging the most decadent of chocolate cakes ever! The baker herself delivered it (I was huddled in bed at the time and refused to be photographed with my cake, but I believe photos were taken!).

At 4:15, Jamie, Beth, Laurie and I went to see "Because I Said So" the new Diane Keaton film which had been receiving terrible reviews. I didn't care, I wanted a light chick flick to take my mind off the coughing and general malaise. It did the trick, I was armed with a whole new bag of Riccola cough drops and made it through.

We got home to Sofie and Ashley (her fabulous babysitter) and all had some of the cake. Oh my goodness, now I know what "death by chocolate" could feel like. But it was wonderful.

I then went back to bed, exhausted at 7 PM. The team took over and got the sugar-high little girl settled down and ready for bed.

This was the last night Laurie was here. The next day and night I thought I would be on my own, but was still too punk to function. Sofie had a long play date with Adrian, thanks to his parents Ken and Alexis for taking her. In the PM, Beth saved the day, bringing with her a delightful teenager (also named Ashley) who entertained Sofie for hours. It was great and felt completely blessed to have such great and creative friends.

We managed to get up and out the door on Sunday for ERUUF, and Sofie, although she protests RE *religious education* every time, seemed to have a great deal of fun. She left with Isak to play for a while, then in the afternoon, her babysitter came to entertain her so I could volunteer for a benefit for Cornucopia House (a Chapel Hill based cancer support program). I had made the commitment months ago, (before any of this new eventfulness in my life was going on) and I was determined to keep it. I had an easy volunteer job at the auction, it was a lovely event and I hope they made a lot of money. The event is called "A Chocolate Affair" and there were tons of delightful chocolate desserts all over the place, in addition to coffee and big glasses of milk. I know I am sick, because I wasn't tempted by any of it! So not normal. Chocolate usually rules.

Alan arrived last night (Tuesday) and today I am feeling better. I was the bitch mother from hell in the morning (not good at all) as we tried to get the last of the valentines ready for school, get dressed and have breakfast and still make it out of there before the tardy bell. While I am not healed, I do feel a little less sick, less coughing, more energy. And my bloodwork from Monday confirmed that my anemia is getting better (four units of blood later) as my red blood count improves. Yay, more energy. I used it today to clean out the fridge, something I "normally" do routinely each Sunday and have not done for nearly a month and a half.

It is looking daily for these little bits of good things, little indicators that I am moving in the right direction and actually getting stronger and more well, that has become something that I look forward to.

I am profoundly aware of how little I would be able to function or get through all this without the love and kindness and good will of friends, near and far.

So I hope this week to try to do a bit more, not push, but try, and see if perhaps next week, I might be able to go back to work a bit, even if part time.

Oh, and speaking of blessings.....I got word from the HR person at my work that I have been "gifted" with a total of 1040 hours of share leave!!! Even with being out most of January and February, that is a lot of time. Some of it from folks I don't even know, many donated as anonymous donors. But how wonderful. It does make me feel less inclined to push too hard, knowing that I do have this cushion of time to help me make it work.

OK, must get off the computer now and get dressed. It is after noon! But I showered and feel a lot more human, so that has to be good.

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