Sunday, August 26, 2007

Spending Alone Time with Myself

This weekend, Jamie had Sofie (Sofie was thrilled, she has been asking and asking for more time at Jamie's). I had time all to myself to do with as I wished. Well, not exactly, I have not yet done taxes for 2006, and I had promised my tax preparer Jean that I would absolutely have everything to her by September 10th. So that was part of the big picture plan. The other was also paper connected: organizing my receipts so I can submit my health care and Sofie's "dependent care" expenses so I can get reimbursed with my money that is taken out each month.

In my previous life (whenever that was), I used to be uber-organized. I had a basket for pretty much everything, it all had a place, etc. In the past year or two, I have just lived in a sea of the first step was "de-trashing" my office, which I started a few weeks ago. My desk was sorted out, into 2006 and 2007 (figured I would get a jump on the current year too). I had tons of "EOB's" to sort through, arrange in chronological order and add up. And tons of receipts to sort, categorize, etc.

And today, Sunday, I am proud to say I got it done. I was in a bunch of belly pain this weekend, so I would not have been much fun. I slept a lot too, took a nap yesterday, slept early last night,
and then plunged in again this am. And I now have what I need to send to Jean to do taxes, albeit by the October 15th extreme extension deadline, but done!

There is a zen like quality to being alone, I think. I don't always fill my head with all sorts of things, like I do in a busy day. Sometimes, I just focus on the task at hand, slowly, methodically, and there is something so amazing when it is completed, a sense of not just accomplishment, but relief.

Beth called on Saturday (twice, actually) to check in. And as much as I wanted to see her and spend some time, I also wanted to keep plodding away, until I had made more of a dent. So I declined. And I ended up feeling tired by about 7 and getting into bed shortly after. I talked to a few folks on the phone during the day, but otherwise, I was alone.

Bit by bit, I am sorting through a ton of paperwork that has surrounded me in this office and in my life for a lot of years. And gently this time, I am being able to shed it, to let go, of most of the papers. The tokens of my work, the tokens of who I have been for so many years. It is positive and it is freeing in a lot of ways. And the office is beginning to be an actual room, not a dumping ground!

Tomorrow I am going to the lab, then off to work. I am planning to do work at least most of the upcoming week, but not full days, so that I can pick Sofie up and spend time with her without being exhausted. Tuesday is chemo, so that day is shot anyway.

She had a great weekend with Jamie, (see Jamie's blog) and came back here to play about mid afternoon.

Tomorrow is the first day of school and I have to go upstairs to get her on the track to getting ready for bed. She is not all that thrilled with going back to school, although she is excited to see friends and loves her teachers.

I just wanted to comment on the wonder, the awe, of being solo sometimes. Not lonely, just alone. I know you are all out there. And that gives me solace a lot of the time.

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