Friday, August 31, 2007

Answered Prayers

This week has flown by and it has been another one of those weeks that shows me that life is just one big roller coaster ride these days.

For the past few weeks, the pain in the cancer "area", also referred to by me as "the brick" (that solid, hard place around my liver) has been painful. It used to be just when I sneezed or laughed hard, or something, but for a few weeks, about three or four, maybe, I have been living with pretty much constant distress. I talked to my health care team, and they suggested taking a stronger pain med, which for me is usually Vicodin. I don't like being doped up and so I mostly resisted, trying to breathe through it at home, at work, all the time. And I noticed that while I was able to sort of become acclimated to the constancy of it, it distracted me from work, and meant I was happier when resting than in play. Not so good for daily life!

Monday of this week it was truly terrible.... Jamie was over, I begged off for a while to lie down, that seems to help a bit. And while I was in that prone position, I sort of pleaded with (I am not quite sure who. God? Higher power? My secret Santa?) to make it stop. Pain really gets in the way of living fully. Combined with fatigue it was just bringing me down.

On Tuesday, I headed off for chemo again in the morning, something that honestly feels quite routine these days. It was one of those mornings where the chemo area was running over an hour behind, so that meant just hanging out, waiting. The treatment itself went quickly, about 1.5 hours in and out, if that. And then I was a free, if sleepy, woman. I had planned to go home, nap for a few hours, then resume the little bit of what was left of my day.

It was after I woke up from the nap that I realized it. The pain was just gone. I think it had been in the morning too, but I was too much on the "auto pilot" of my morning routine with getting Sofie up, dressed in something that doesn't make me shudder,packing her lunch, eating breakfast, and getting to "before school" care so I could be at chemo by 8:30. So maybe I didn't notice. I thought perhaps the pre-meds they gave me for chemo might be doping me still, but later in the evening, I still was pain free!

And this has continued all week. There is a slight amount of discomfort, but not the relentless pain. I am so grateful. I have so much respect for people who live with chronic pain. I don't consider myself a total wuss, but pain just messes with my day. And I want to continue to make each day count, every single one.

Today, Friday, I am writing this with a cup of hot Peet's coffee (I continue to mail order this as I have for the past three years!). I am not nauseous. I don't hurt. I plan to go to work for a nearly full day and have dinner with a friend this evening. Normal. Kind of.

It is still hot and muggy here, I am wishing (praying?) for rain. The deep soaking kind that will rescue my plants and trees who look so thirsty.

I know people have been keeping me in their prayers for the past year. It is so wonderful when I have the sense that the prayer is actually working. is the best way I know to face each day.

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