Under The Weather

It is July, the heart of summer weather here in the southlands.

I just have to write a short comment on the weather and my relationship with it. It has been in the 90's for the past couple of days since we returned, hot, humid, you know the drill. But I find that I am doing much better this summer. I notice the little breezes and today, when it is quite muggy out, I also feel more comfortable, in my little summer skirt, than I have years before. What's up with that, really? Have I put the weather in perspective too? My Subaru is usually over 100 degrees when I get in to it from being at work (it is parked on the deck in an uncovered spot). Even so, I am surviving and thriving this year. I never thought that would be possible.

I dread the possibility of hair loss from the new chemo, but I am pretty sure I won't do much in the way (if anything) on wigs. Too hot in August. So I guess I will get used to bald again if it happens. There is a 50/50 chance (which I think is the drug company being non-committal). Anyway, I looked kind of OK before with short short hair or even bald. It is more how I feel at work. I know my colleagues will be fine, it is donors and that sort of meeting that I feel less comfortable in. I don't want the meeting to be about me and the cancer, when it should be about them and the Library.

I am also under the weather emotionally, these past few days. Since the CT. I feel overwhelmed by all sorts of little things (like laundry, making supper, piles of "stuff" and the like). I finally cried on the way to work this AM, while listening to "Seasons of Love", the song from RENT. I asked Jamie for the CD, since Sofie likes the song and knows some but not all of the words. This is a song that says so much of what I believe to be true, that it is about love. In all its varied expressions.

I need to do more crying, but not right now, I am at work and have three meetings in a row today. So I will defer the tears for a bit.