Thursday, October 18, 2007

My Night Visitor

Sofie has been coming into my bed every night for the past couple of weeks, with a rare exception one night when she was really exhausted.

Sometimes I hear her and wake up (checking the clock to see what time it is, it varies between 1:30 AM and 4:45 AM). Sometimes I wake up and she is there, all legs and arms, cuddled next to me. I stroke her hair, and drop off back to sleep.

I know without words being spoken what this is about. And, as much as it is probably a "bad habit" I cannot bring myself to change this. I need it as much as she does. Sometimes like this morning, when I have no idea when she arrived, as I went to bed early, I just reach out and hold her little hand in mine, while she sleeps. Sometimes, when she is doing her burrowing and back flips, I gently pull her back "into position" in the bed, so she doesn't take up more than two thirds of the mattress. She rarely wakes up. She just snuggles down into the bed and continues her slumber.

She snores, and I have come to really love to hear her little snores, her soft breathing, her little sighs and noises. I don't know if we will keep this up as my body gets more painful, but hopefully we can "co-sleep", something we did not get to do when she was an infant. Perhaps it will make her memories of me more vivid. In any case, I cannot think of a good enough reason to stop this, not quite yet.

3 comments:

Dave Robb said...

There is no good reason to stop this; that's why you can't think of one.
Love, Dave

against my will said...

It's so sweet and gratifying that you both have each other right now. Sounds like Sophie needs this time with her Mother as much as her Mother needs the tender closeness of so much unconditional love. Thanks for sharing this and keeping us so up to date, Debra, so we can all be with you in our thoughts. Love - Paul

Maria said...

Debra, Just keep on snuggling as long as you can. It seems like such a sane response to a totally insane and unfair situation.
Love, maria