Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Long Term Napping

Today was chemo again, it seems to be just part of my weekly schedule these days. I had an unusual experience, checking in fifteen minutes early for my 9 AM appointment, the buzzer went off at five minutes before nine!! I was in there, with Marcella, one of my favorite nurses, in no time. So efficient.

I hadn't slept well at all the night before, so once huddled under my cozy lap blanket, warm from the warming bin, I tried to read the NY Times, but kept nodding off. The treatment (both the chemo and the Avastin) were done by 10:30 and I was out of there, early for the hematology clinic. Got in there about 11:15, not bad, since the place was once again packed. My levels for the Coumadin are bouncing up and down as they play with the adjusting of the drug and the vitamin K (critical in Coumadin dosing). This time, it was too low. Last time,way high. So they keep trying, adjusting the dosing for each night. Good thing I have one of those pill holder thingies for the night dosing too, it makes it easier to remember when I set it up a week in advance.

Got home, just so sleepy still and figured I would nap for an hour or so then begin the post chemo to do list. I usually plan to grocery shop on Tuesdays, since it is far easier without Sofie in tow. And faster. But it was not to be! I lay down, set the alarm for 1.5 hours from then and found myself still tired, so I reset it to be in time for kid pick up and just slept. And slept. A total of about 4.5 hours!!! Nothing at all got done. Which is not so ho hum as it sounds, I have limited energy in the night, so these daytime lists help keep me somewhat on top of errands, like the post office (nephew's birthday present) and the dry cleaner, etc.

But it wasn't to be. Picked up Sofie at school and she entertained herself for a while, I got some stuff out for dinner. Jamie arrived a bit after 6 and I was off to a workshop at Cornucopia House (support place for people with cancer) on creating a "family love letter", which is essentially about all your documents, and your wishes being written down where people can find them. I am actually doing a pretty good job in this area, (being the control queen I am) so it was helpful, but not earth shattering!

Got home and Sofie was already in bed, but as she has been doing lately, she arrived in my room about 2 or 3 AM and snuggled into bed with me. I don't even fight this any more, not just now. She obviously needs to be next to me, and I her. And as long as she stays more or less on half of the bed, I can sleep pretty well. Except for the frequent trips to the bathroom. This thing is now apparently pressing on my bladder as well as other parts of my internal organs and that makes it in charge of the peeing. I long for a full uninterrupted night of sleep. Something I seem to get in a hotel, but hardly ever at home. Cats, kid, bladder, all conspire to have me up two to three times in a six hour period. No wonder I am tired in the afternoons!

But I got a decent night's sleep, comparatively, last night. Taking the Vicodin pretty regularly these days and that helps. But I hate being dependent on a drug to kill the pain and help me sleep. I don't exactly worry about becoming addicted (would I get to go to Promises in Malibu if I did?) but I do worry that I need pain meds now, which seems waaaaay too early in the decline period. Or is it? To me, pain is a sign that things are not getting "better" and if it keeps increasing, I worry that the time I have is shorter than I think. How on earth will I get the whole "to do" list for my life into a shorter framework? There will not be any extensions or do-overs this time!!

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