Friday, January 12, 2007

Ice, Ice Baby

Today is Friday, the end of what seems like four weeks instead of just one. After having the treatment on Tuesday and studying up on side effects, prevention of side effects and discovering the joys of icing my hands and feet several times a day, I ended up going back to the office Wedensday and Thursday. And it was mostly good, although Wednesday night was not so good for sleeping, so I was pretty wiped yesterday. I brought my ice packs, some cushioning shoe inserts, all preventing friction on feet and hands.

I left early yesterday, and finally *hurrah* got my teeth cleaned, which both psychologically and dentally was soooo good. It had been more than a year, the whole time I was on the other chemo I could not do it, then I got too busy coming back into the world. I felt profound gratitude for the lovely dental hygienist (Ashley) who did my teeth. And as she chatted about her upcoming vacation, a short cruise to the keys and Jamaica, I realized how good I have it. This poor young girl gets exactly one week (five days) of vacation and one week of sick leave a year. Not fair. I found myself suggesting organizing tips for her office staff to approach their bosses for more creative scheduling.

But I digress. Jamie and I took Sofie to Fuddruckers for supper as a "we survived this week" treat. And then Jamie put her to bed, allowing me to collapse into my bed and just lay out. My body was tired, uncomfortable, just plain exhausted and sore. In places I did not expect. Like my butt. (too much sitting in the office, I had not considered that area one to watch out for!).

I sat with ice packs on hands and feet, watching Grey's Anatomy and then more or less crashed for the night. I had planned to go to work for a few hours today, but in fact, I will work from here a bit, and sleep some more. I have to follow my body's lead.

I find myself just savoring the things that are good, even a meeting that goes well, and trying to figure out how the next couple of months will go.

Several things have brought me to tears this week, but they are nearly all good ones: Freda, our HR specialist, without my even asking, wrote a great email to my HSL colleagues on Monday asking for more share leave. By yesterday I had 220 hours. I burst into tears at the love and support and faith my colleagues have in me.

I also have received some wonderful notes from friends and colleagues. And the most wonderful present from a group of my friends and my boss in the Administration department: A cozy blanket, pillow and sock set for when the cold in my body just takes over. It coordinates with my office decor, so it is living there for now.

I am reminded daily that although these are very uncharted waters, I am loved and blessed with friends and family who are amazing in their support. Sometimes, I just don't know how to even respond.

But I am working on it.

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