Sunday, November 26, 2006

Comfort Food

Today, I am preparing to have a small party to thank those that helped me on the road to recovery. Many will be missing at the table, since they live so far away. Carrie and Sue, mentioned in the last post. Alan, who called me weekly from CA or wherever he was at that moment, to check in and remind me I was loved. Susan Q and others who just called, often getting the voicemail, to say hi. And my family who worried I was making it all too pretty, not telling the truth about how I felt who called or emailed to express that worry.

I am making mostly “comfort food”, chicken pot pie, pumpkin bread, veggie chili and cornbread. Food that feeds the soul. I expected it to be a cold, damp day when I planned the menu, as Thanksgiving was. Instead, it is brilliant and sunny, about 70 degrees. But perhaps by the end of the day, the warm food, hot cider and candles will seem appropriate.

I need to do these things in this house, to try to work out the things that still make it feel not quite like home. The house itself is looking good, but I still find myself missing my “old” house, or some of those features, most specifically: the storage space and the fireplace! But this is our house now, and it does mostly work for us. In a few years, I imagine that Sofie will need more space, either a larger bedroom so she can have her own desk or some other space in the downstairs, carved out for her use. The large “playroom” space here is very underutilized. I keep imagining that I might have one of those home show people from HGTV come and tell me what to do to make it all work better. You would think I would know, since I have watched enough of those shows. My big fantasy is that I have the folks from Mission Organization, Design on a Dime, Curb Appeal and who knows what else all meet, fix it all and leave me with my Barbie Dream house. Oh well, I should be happy that we have a house and work from there.

I still find myself keeping stuff I don’t use much or need. I use my alone time to organize my closets and things. Other people would go out, shop, etc. Not me, not this year. This is the year of the nesting. Finally making peace with where I am, the next step is to make the where work better!

The weekend went by too fast. I had Sofie until Friday PM, after we went to a movie “Happy Feet” she went to stay with Jamie for two days, until later this afternoon. I also have a new, or rather returned family member: we are trying to reunite Boone, the boy cat, with his sister Gracie. The poor cats have been way too traumatized by all the moves, separations, etc. So far, Boone has been hiding non-stop, but I am hopeful that in a few days, he will realize he is “home” again, and safe. That is truly what it is all about, not the decorating.

Oh, a note, before I close, on the hair, since many have asked. It is growing back, in kind of a silver mixed with the old brown. The texture right now, with the very short hair, is kind of pettable, like a cat! About three weeks ago, I went to work wearing the wig. I got hot (it was one of those nearly 80 degree days) and I took off the wig for a bit to cool down. And never put it back on. I realized that day, I was done, my short hair is a symbol of the survival and besides, it looks kind of cool. So now, with my eyebrows back, and my very short hair, shorter even than the buzzed hair, I am back in the world, wigless and proud! And sometimes, cold. I was sorry not to see the hair come back in thick (dark) curls, but it remains to be seen how thick it will actually be and how silver. I might just not color it again, but don't quote me on that. I have had nothing but positive feedback and that has stroked my ego, but also reminded me that I am strong, and I did survive this whole period really well.

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